Holy Determination

I am an awful person. I am a betrayer of the worst kind; the quintessential Judas. I came with a kiss whose sole purpose was to exploit my victim’s trust so I could hand her over to her enemies. Who is this unsuspecting recipient of such contemptible malfeasance? That would be my dog.

This past week we found a growth in my dog’s mouth that needed to be looked at by our vet. This is a bit of a problem since she is terrified of the doctor and there is no way they are going to be looking in her mouth without heavy sedation; either theirs or hers. My Avalanche is the sweetest dog in the world but put her in the same room as a veterinarian and there is no telling what kind of mayhem might unfold.

While I am concerned about the growth and the anesthesia she will be under, the thing that is tearing at my heart is her sitting there all day terrified of what is happening and wondering why I have done this to her. I lured her with her “favorite thing”,which admittedly for a dog could be almost anything, but in this case was a ride in the car, to bring her to her least “favorite thing” the vet. How will she ever trust me after this?

Many years ago, this wouldn’t have bothered me as much. Our relationship was somewhat detached. We had just gotten her as a puppy and since she is an Alaskan malamute, she was never really puppy sized. I had just been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease and was in the thick of unrelenting flare-ups. She was forever a challenge between training her, amusing her and keeping her out of trouble amidst my throbbing joints.

One day, around that time, I was teaching my son about how much God loves us. In Deuteronomy 7:9, God says that he has a “covenant of love” with us. The word for covenant in the Hebrew actually means determination. I explained to my son that God is determined to love us. Not a minute after that my dog did her business on the floor right in front of us. I was beside myself. I put her outside, slammed the door and proceeded to clean up the mess. As I was mulling over the temporary insanity that I must have been under to agree to get this “puppy”, when from behind I heard my son say “Mommy, you are not very determined to love Avalanche.” Leave it to God to use a child to speak the truth that plainly.

Those words from my son rang conviction in my heart that day and I knew that I needed to live out what I was teaching. It was time for me to stop allowing how I feel at the moment to dictate how I acted. The apostle John tells us to love with action and with truth. (1 John 3:18) We love by doing and my attitude needed to change about my doing. I set out to love Avalanche and after more then a few wrestling matches over the years between her will and mine she has just overtaken my heart and I her’s.

Like Avalanche, I have had many wrestling matches with God. So many times I have wanted to go my own way but God in His determined love refused to give in to what was less then His finest plan for me. I have been difficult and rebellious but He never diverted from doing what was best because of His love. But you know what I think, those wrestling matches, which He always won I might add, deepened my love for Him and my trust in Him has grown.

Today was a wrestling match with Avalanche, it took a lot of physical effort to get her into the examining room but I know that this is what is best for her. I love her too much not to keep wrestling. God knows what is best for me too even if it isn’t my most “favorite thing”.

Is there someone that you need to determine to love today?

“You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice, and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art.”
Saint Francis of Sales.


Look the couch, my favorite thing!!!